Day 135

The last day of the year, and what a year it's been. I admit, I've been drained since the spring. Following a break up that I took so personally and chose to not let go of, a storm cloud brewing with close ones I love, good friends departing from my life, and a new school and future that I am uncertain of, it's been rough. Yet, after tonight, it all changes. It starts over, and I will make the most of it.

I slept in, and have caught another cold again. Ironically, I catch it literally two days after my vitamins run out. Hmmm..... could it be? Gavin came over at 1:00, and he wanted to expand his already stunning portfolio, as well as add some pictures of himself to the mix. We shot around my yard for a good hour and a half, taking some new and cool shots. He let me shoot him, which is something I've never done, but I do have an eye for angles, and he liked a handful of shots I took. We grabbed some soup at Byron's China Kitchen, before he returned home, and I had to race home to beat Melissa there, who I would surprise with a nice dinner. That dinner turned out to be Akita Buffet, where I finally got a refill, and the buffet prices were very reasonable. Good food.

Went to Mike's and then Mike drove us to Nate's party, where a neon-glowstick infestation of kids awaited. It was nice seeing some old high school pals I haven't seen in forever, as well as confirming that they haven't died. Caught up with some people, danced a little, just enjoyed the company in the glowing garage. After that, we went to Meijer, I bought wine, then went to Chad's, were we just made it with 15 minutes to watch the ball drop. And that rang it in. A new year. My list of resolutions and commitments will not fault this time. I'm locked in and ready. The party ended early due to a wall cracking because I leaned on it. La Casa de Chadwick was closed down for the night, with a not so happy host and some not so happy attendees.

- New Years -

Day 134

I shouldn't have stayed out so late the night before, mainly due to this morning's early awakening.

My dad sold his truck to my grandpa in Monroe, so another two weeks after Christmas there, I took his car and followed him out on the I-96 stretch, again. He got me breakfast and I had some tea so I was really ready for the haul ahead. We got to my grandma's and were only able to stay for 20 minutes, mainly because of an existing appointment my father had. It was weird, traveling 2.5 hours to a place where I normally stay at least over night, but instead, we returned only after twenty minutes. Thanks Grandma for the truffles.

On the way back, we got Chinese food at a really tiny Chinese restaurant in Novi. The kitchen staff sounded like they were going to kill each other. There was so much yelling, I was waiting for a Samurai to walk out and stab someone. Nonetheless, the food was good, and the hot and sour soup cooled off my itchy throat..... itchy throat... uh oh... not again.

Stopped at Tanger Outlets on the way home, but found nothing worth buying, or just shirts out of my size. Made it home barely in time for my dad to make his meeting. He met my mom halfway to ensure he would get there in time, and then I went home, only to rest briefly before having to work at 6:00. After my work shift, I went with Melissa, Chad, and Ryan to Gun Lake Casino. We stayed a good hour and a half, and were freaked out by a security guard... I wonder why........ I could finally exhale when I got home and went to bed. Safe.....

- Ryan playing the Dark Knight Jackpot game -

Day 133

Still now snow, slightly warmer temperatures with a chilly wind here and there...... maybe Al Gore wasn't that far off at all...

I made another really good breakfast today, (forgot to mention that yesterday). I grilled some steak and ham and onions over a pan today, added with a protein shake and orange juice. I've come to notice everything tastes better in a pan.

I really hung around my house..... until I had to be at work at 6. I did manage to watch the first half of "Batman Returns" with my brother, and I also turned on my PS3. But at 6, work came, signed up my mother, put down new rubber floor in spots, signed another gal, it was a good night. More par than the usual Thursday night.

After the shift, I went with Melissa to Chad's house where Sam, Tanya, and Mike were waiting for us. I picked up some Dragon's Milk and bought Melissa another unique beer, and we all ordered pizza and watched Home Alone 2. We finally finished the film series..... no, we'll pass on Home Alone 3.

- Home alone 2 -

Day 132

A lazy post today..... here's what went down.

Woke up, did nothing, went to work, worked, worked out when I was done, had a great dinner with my friend Mike...

wait, Mike... that's right, we had a two hour dinner. I vented, I was honest, and the feeling of humility and friendship was reciprocated. I truly feel after digesting the enormous burrito I had (Q'doba, that I am really in the right direction now. I just broke myself down and realized everything I still hide, that I'm scared of, but why.... why am I telling you..... the reader. Hmmm, enjoy the appetizer, you'll never know the meal. I will say this.... for the longest time, I've been taking things so personal. Bad life choices, friends who do things I disagree with, ex girlfriends, old habits, etc... I take it personally, and feel the need to disconnect... whoops... you're eating part of the meal now.

After the great dinner and re-bonding I had, we set forth to enjoy the rest of the night. We saw Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, which truly surpasses the first film, and is going down as one of the top ten movies I've seen this year. If I was gay I'd be all over Robert Downey Jr.

Just a good night.

- Sherlock: The Forest Bullet Storm: one of the coolest scenes ever in a film -

Day 131

Aside from waking up today with no breakfast and playing COD with my brother Ethan, I felt today was a good day to celebrate a day off, and to get Melissa a Christmas present / birthday present since she got me one over a month ago.

So, after Melissa's shift at work, she came over, and I took her to Michigan City. The drive never feels like two hours, always like an hour. We got to the outlets and did some shopping. The wind was so strong that when I went into J. Crew, my ears were in pain from the pressure the wind created. It took some ear blowing and about 15 minutes before my head resumed normal pressure. I got some chinos and a shirt, and I bought Melissa a really nice chambray shirt, plus the trip and lunch and the wimpy dinner we would have at Burger King.

After the outlets, we cruised across the street to the giant median-income sucking casion, Blue Chip. It's a giant, multi-story casino and hotel that really stands out in the tiny city around it, mainly the run down houses on the west side of it. We stayed there for a good hour..... Melissa... she should have walked away... even if she was only a few dollars up.

Drove home, got home, stayed home, watched a movie, and played Modnation. Ahh, and add a Heinken.

- Blue Chip Casino -

Day 130

Some people would choose to think of the day after Christmas as a depressing day, since it's so far out again from family, gifts, time off, and general peace and love. I like to think that everyday can be like that..... and it can be depressing on say, March 22, simply because, that's another day that may never happen again the way it happened in the current year.

I had the morning and day to clean up the last bit of gifts from about my house, as well as sit down to some fine murder at COD. I had to also be at work at 6, but my friend Jordan asked to have coffee with me. She's a cool girl. We met at Starbucks at 3, but I soon realized that a day without a meal is no day at all.

Therefore, we left and went to Q'doba, where we both ordered too much food, and got to catch up. She's moving back from Texas; she'll be permanently nested again here in about a week. Good times at Q'doba were followed at a good time training Melissa tonight at work. The shift was great, and we got a lot done. After the shift, I went home and felt the itch to watch "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia", but realized there is another who would love to watch that with me. Jordan came over again, and we watched the hilarity.

- Jordan and I -

Day 129

With little snow on the ground, one could say the usual floor beneath us looks the same. In a matter of an hour, our living room floor was covered in shredded paper, tape, tags, and boxes.

Christmas morning has been so sought after and wished for by young ages, and even some old. For me, this year, I just  still couldn't believe how fast the years have gone. I mean, so fast. It was like yesterday. And now there's a solid 364 days until the next Christmas, and that will come in what will feel like 160 days.

Christmas morning, I was the first to awake, which is the first time ever that's happened. I actually woke up before my siblings. 8:30AM. I couldn't believe it. I had the duty of waking everyone up. I went into my brother's room and started jumping on his bed singing a Sesame Street song that he loathes to death, and his rage of fury was enough to wake him up. My sister has a dog on cocaine, so once the dog was awake, so was she.

Gifts were great, my mother's cinnamon rolls were par over Captain Crunch. I played some COD for the sake of owing newbs on Christmas, and then my grandparents and aunt came over. Hanging out, talking, talking, and then I drove to Melissa's for a brief hour where I had dinner with her family, then came back home and had dinner with mine. Dad make steak, mom made lobster bisque, and so many other good foods and wines. Blessed day. At night, cousins and their significant others came over, and we all played Modnation Racing on my PS3, as well as sat around and just hung out.

In the latter of the evening, I went to Noah's to say hi to him briefly, but was ambushed by all of my friends returning the favor to him as well. I stayed and caught up with Mike, Jordan, Alana, and Tanya, as well as Noah's family and Alana's cousins. Add Dexter with my aunt and grandma again, as well as seeing my friends and its a good night...

- My View of X-mas Morning -

Day 128

Christmas Eve!

The whole morning I caught up with COD, Batman, and just dwelt in my room on the boob tube. After a couple hours, I got dressed, took some pics, and then left to stop at the mall, and met my family at my grandparents for our traditional Christmas Eve get together.

We got there at 3:00. We ate a delicious dinner, including one of my rare favorites, lamb with mint jelly. After dinner, Shelby (my sister) arrived just in time... she had to stay late at work because of some rude clients that came in  ten minutes before she closed, and demanded the works. Shelby and her employees told them that they were closing so they could be with their families, but the clients pulled the "race" card and demanded they get a free service on top of making the girls stay late. If it wasn't Christmas Eve, I'd be ranting.... and speaking my mind on these "clients". Shelb eats, then we left for a Christmas Eve service at my Grandma's church, which I enjoyed quite greatly, though was tired the first half hour due to my father pouring me a strong drink as well as the eggnog and rum my grandpa made me.

After the service, we returned to the house and did presents, which the highlight of gifts was the Star Wars Saga on glorious blu-ray high def. Truly a monumental film collection to add to my other puny movies. I got my grandparents a gift this year too, and couldn't help but laugh at a few fake presents under the tree, that were placed there to "beef up the tree". I love my family.

Had some dessert, then watched some Dexter with my mom, aunt, and grandma. Left from there and returned home, to check out what exactly a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away looks like in high def. Also got to play the classic Star Wars Battlefront game on the original X-Box with my brother Ethan tonight. What a good Christmas Eve. It kind of depresses me, I get older, time flies, and the magical feeling of building up towards Christmas has left me. It's just a holiday now, where I give and receive. Tonight was the first night no toys were present, which meant no plastic wires were present, which means to pocket knife was used, etc... everyone is growing up. Soon, my usual Christmas Eve routine will change.... but that is not a thought for this writer's current happy state of mood.

Currently listening to my police scanner.... a home break in, but the pus bucket was caught, and I hope he rots..... the audacity to break into someone's house on Christmas Eve. Rot I say! Also a domestic dispute..... loud fighting, the officer cant even get through to the phone..... uh oh.... the wonderful world of the droid apps and the death of privacy. Wait! Update! The father is beating his daughter, and he locked the rest of the family up in the closet. Wow... all on Christmas Eve. It's time's like these I'm all for police brutality. 

- Drool -

Day 127

Well, A whole day off, which means time to fill it to the brim.

Great start to a morning with breakfast at Red Geranium with my friend Mike. We were there a good hour, before we left and I had to meet up with a guy that I was selling an iPhone to. The eggs and toast at breakfast had given me good energy for the day. From there, we hit some final stores in the last minute spree to Christmas shop, followed by hundreds of angry shoppers.

Right around noon, we invested a well-worth ticket to go see "girl with the dragon tattoo" which is such a good movie... It did for me what Shutter Island did last year. I love mystery thrillers, and add David Fincher directing and NIN doing the soundtrack and you have a good film. After the movie, I went home cleaned my room, the right way. Put new sheets on the bed, which are so much softer and sleeker than the old nasty ones. I had tacos for dinner, then later on in the evening, went over to my grandma's house to spend time with my aunt. We watched 3 episodes of Dexter. Watching the adult-themed show with my grandmother and aunt, priceless...

- Dex, one of the episodes we watched  -

Day 126

I shouldn't have waited this long to update this post, because, as usual, my brain has failed, and I can't remember anything about yesterday morning....

I do remember going to the mall for another attempt at finding my sister a Christmas gift. I failed, but I met Melissa for lunch at Costco, and then she came back to my house to watch Home Alone.... again. (again for me). After the film, we left for our work party.

Great gang of people. The jobs I've had in the past have never given me a Christmas bonus, and only one other job has given the employees a party. Tonight was great because I was blessed to receive all of that. My boss paid for all of us to go out to Bran's Steakhouse, where I enjoyed the usual Sizzler with the sweet potato and broccoli cheese soup. After dinner, we went across the way to Fairlanes for bowling. I did horrible, I mean terrible. It was bad. But we had fun, exchanged gifts, and had dollar beers. I like my work buddies. Good gang of rascals.

- Courtesy of Mitch, some work friends -

Day 125

More rain, which means still a warmer December than usual...


I woke up and wrapped Christmas presents, which was long overdue. I also listed an iPhone on craigslist, which I would soon be in for a swarm of emails and messages. I left my house around 1 and went to Best Buy, where Christmas shopping failed again, and instead I left with a movie for myself. (it was on sale... I'm sorry).

Went to work from 2-6, though no time for a work out before or after. After the game, I drove downtown to a Griffin's game with my mom and cousins. The Griffin's lost, which stinks because today was Charlie Sheen Wednesday, which means if they win, you get free tickets... It's possible to get free tickets for the entire season with this method. Winning! Winning!

Went home and watched Full Metal Jacket, then slept. The end!

- Griffins -

Day 124

Today was a very busy day:

I had to wake up and do an 8-12 playroom shift at work. No kids came in, but that didn't stop me from taking on other projects. I took all of the huge exercise balls and cleaned them and re-inflated them. Kicking around several of these things, was just fun. After work I met up with my mom at Costco for some lunch, and then stopped at my grandma's house to pick up a present.

After Grandma's, I drove out to the Woodland Mall area. I strolled about the frenzy of shoppers, running into Melissa and her sister and friend Terrel, as well as my ex girlfriend's mother. I got to catch up with her, which was great. I've always loved her parents.

After the mall I went back to work to do some of my own working out with my friend Dana. We did a good hour of lifting, and then after the workout, we played racquetball. That my friends, is an intense sport. I can see why goggles are recommended.

After the workout I punched in for a shift for closing the gym, and well, closed the gym. After work I went over to Chad's house, and myself and him as well as Sam watched the original Home Alone, in glorious high definition. Darn good film.

- Work out buddies -

Day 123

Perhaps its the current mood I'm in, but this post is different. It feels different.

This morning I woke up and was just able to relax. I was able to play Call of Duty after a good month lull. I was able to watch my brother play his games. I was able to eat soup and eBay. I was able to,.... I was able. That's just it. I was able. I had the ability, and I did. I was given a gift, I was given freedom to rest and enjoy myself. This is something I have forgotten how to do.

I worked tonight, though I stopped at Meijer to surprise my grandma and my Aunt Gail who is in from Texas. I got to see them for a little bit, and then grabbed a salad and sub and went to work.  At work, Caleb came in to visit me tonight.... I showed him around, chatted, and then I had to finish my work at hand. After work I went home.... I wanted to be by myself, but Caleb asked if he could stop over.

For an unknown reason, I gave up on Netflix and invited him over. So thankful I did. Tonight I was able to finally open up about myself, and it was only the beginning. He told me not to write everything on this blog, and I agree. This blog isn't for the gritty details about what truly scares me, saddens me, and what I secretly think. It's not the wikipedia of Derek Niemchick. It's not the scoop or gossip on me, it's just a recollection of the day's memorable events and happenings I encounter. Thats what this is for. It's for me. Caleb pointed this out, and he gave me some gifts, one being a very cool hardbound journal, that I can truly write in, and express myself, without censoring or playing to the reader. This journal is the key to my redemption. I plan on writing everything down in it, and then maybe the week after, praying over it or sharing it with whoever I feel led to.

I can say this though, that now, I am on the road to freedom. 2012 couldn't have come soon enough. I feel like I've only let the tip of the iceberg out. I trust Caleb a lot, and consider him a great friend. Thanks for the gifts. To my readers, and to myself, when I read this again, today is the day I  began to trust. 2012 I will let go. Above all of this, I'm thankful God hasn't given up on me yet. I've failed him to the dust this year, but not anymore.

- Rise -

Day 122

With only hours to spare before we would have to go home, My cousins and I bolted for the car and sped off to Westfield Mall in Toledo, where a last minute shopping excursion awaited us.

What started as an innocent day turned into a debacle of sorts as Cameron accidentally walked out of Gap with a mannequin hand. Until we realized what he had done, (which was 15 minutes later), I deemed it garbage, and safe to continue (some of the family would disagree with that decision, but what family is a unison-nodding Waltons?) On the way back home, we stopped at McDonalds, which was NOT selected by me this time. I vouched for something healthy, but two against one.... I lost.

After my number 4 meal and navigating back through Toledo traffic, we made it home, only to leave again for home. We stopped at my great grandparent's house, which are the last living great grandparents of mine. My great grandpa has still been rocking, even considering the fact that he's been in and out of hospitals frequently, and has an oxygen machine attached to him. We talked to them for an hour and then departed for home.

Because I am a good communicator, a great son, and a devious manipulator, I was able to get my parents to pull off at Tanger Outlets. Gosh darn you J. Crew, quit taking my money!!!!

Got home later, showered, cleaned up, and then watched the season finale of Dexter! Good season, great ending, although still not as good as the 1st and 2nd seasons. Afterwards, Caleb and I took the gals out to a late night dinner, and then got thank you massages and yoga stretching afterwards.

Not a bad weekend, if I do say so myself.

- Great Grandpa and I -

Day 121

Monroe, MI. No snow, cept for say, light, light, scare and slightly invisible snow water, that fell for a stint of four hours.

Before the family arrived at my grandmother's, I took my dads vehicle and booked it to the Gap outlet which is only about two miles from her house. It is also, the only outlet store around her house. I snagged a pair of fingerless gloves for $1.80, then headed out to Monroe's tiny mall to run errands for the family before more family arrived. I picked up some cards and what not, then returned to grandmas.

When I got back, the crowd was there. My Uncle Mike, Aunt Allison, Mikey, his girlfriend Rochelle, Jason, Cam, Kelsey, Colleen, Jim, plus my Aunt Kathy, Stephanie, her daughter Gabby, and my grandparents, my Uncle Fred, and my family. Full house, much love. We had such a plethora of food, there were leftovers for everyone. Guacamole, chips, ham, cole slaw, bourbon chicken, pasta, the list goes on. Talked with family, open gifts, etc. My grandma got a Roomba, which was a treat to see in action. The men named it Jose, and Jose did fine work. Got under chairs, under beds, and when his battery is low, he goes back to his station to recharge himself. That's an impressive robot. I couldn't help but have feelings for him. At one point, I felt bad when he got trapped after someone opened a door and pinned him in. "Poor Jose.... leave him alone!".... it's a robot Derek.....

Watched the original Walton's film "The Homecoming", and ended a darn good Saturday.

- Family X-Mas, Monroe *Ethan, what the heck are you doing?* -

Day 120

It's Friday, Friday, getting down on Friday!!!

Derek's really looking forward to going to Monroe for the weekend, weekend!

Friday! Friday! Get to drive my dads car there on Friday! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun out of town Christmas weekend!

iPod in the front seat, J . Crew shirt hanging in the back seat, blueberries and pretzel bites accompanying me.

It's Friday, Friday! Had to work this Friday! But it was a night shift and it went by fast, so now here comes the weekend!

Melissa took me to the Muppets, we got lots of popcorn! Real butter is the devil! Then I bought us Jimmy Jonh's! Friday! Friday! This blog post is LAAAMMMEE!!! But I don't care cause it's my blog and its the weekend!

- Friday -

Day 119

This is what freedom looks like. Waking up without an alarm, without work, and without school on your mind. This is Christmas break from GVSU, and I thoroughly enjoy this feeling.

I stayed hibernated in my room this morning for a good two hours. I scanned eBay, skyped with Pat, but my favorite highlight was actually getting to play the PS3. If you've been following this, the previous months were littered with time spent on the Sony sucker. Lately, with work and school, I haven't had time to so much as see a movie or turn on Netflix, let alone play a game. I spent the entire day relaxing, having a mini "electronic holiday". I played around on my tablet, updated some iMac software, just did an array of things.

Sucked up so much time that 4:00 came and it was almost time to head to work. I ran and grabbed dinner for me and my brother and we watched the 1960's Batman movie... yes, the really cheesy one where Batman has blue underwear and horns the size of a small kitten, and the Riddler has a huge bulge where his..ahem.... question mark dangles. Yes, this cheesy classic is just what I needed before going off to work. Well, that and Judge Judy. Holy tacky television Batman!

Work was a breeze, trained Anna, the newer girl, and then after work, I was fortunate to catch up with a great friend. Enter Melissa Suchowolec. (I feel I'm friends with a few Melissa's, so last names help distinguish). I've known Melissa for awhile, I think 5-6 years. We went to the same high school, and through the weaving of life, I ended up dating one of her friends, and we would see each other from time to time. Tonight, we got to catch up at B-Dubs. She normally is at Western so hang out time is limited to usually the number of fingers on my right hand in a year. We caught up, but mainly, it was refreshing to just talk to someone who, in my opinion, gets it, get's life, & has a clear head. She's someone who I can talk to without having the politics, drama, emotions, or biases I so often get in life from others. Her and I are nowhere near perfect, but we know where we have to go. We talked about regrets, and how I have none, and the only way to truly have regrets, is to not take risks. People will regret the stuff they haven't done, not the stuff they've done. She's a great girl, I'm glad to be able to have her to talk to when I can, and call her a friend. I feel blessed knowing there's someone else out there who is going through what I am still going through, and we keep our heads up, always moving forward, not looking back, living ahead, until the day you die.

Thanks Melissa. I promise I'm not earning brownie points, this is normal routine for a introduction to the blog.

- Melissa and I -

Day 118

This morning was victorious. I woke up, had some jasmine tea, and sat in the kitchen with breakfast next to my mom and finished my shopping (except for my sister). It took a good hour, but I searched the far ends of the internet and other sites until I could find what I was looking for.

Mike came over around lunch and we had Jimmy John's to eat. I stuck with my usual choice and ordered the number 12. After lunch, I pounded out my final boss of a project before leaving for GVSU to turn it in. The whole way I couldn't beat traffic. Cars going slow, trucks, trains, slow people in line at the gas station holding me up so I couldn't buy my energy drink.... augh! I sprinted into the classroom only to find the teacher smiling at me. "Derek, this is due anytime between 4-6." Great... all that speeding, all that chaos, all the wasted money I just put in the meter... for nothing!!! It's like God was saying "Just trust me, stop being so angry... you'll be fine".

Stopped at Plato's Closet on the way back and talked with my old work friends, and saw Gavin as well again. The constant run ins with him make me smile. After Plato's I went into work, where I was just able to make the work meeting, and then run my shift from 6-10PM. And yes, even after leaving at 10, the weather is still almost 50, very nice, my fall jacket does me just fine.

After work Mike and I met up with Chad and Sam and a slew of other people downtown at Friday's for Lindsey's going away party. We had some long islands at Friday's, then moved over to Hopcat, where me and Mike split crack fries. We didn't say too long, mainly because I didn't know hardly anyone there, and I was tired., but not tired for a blog picture!

- Some friends at HopCat -

Day 116

A grand morning indeed this morning, because I got to eat a warm, good country breakfast in the cozy confines of Cracker Barrel with my friend Chad. We each ordered pancakes, sausage, and eggs, and enjoyed the time there as well as the general-store feel. A good way to start the morning... I need to have more royale breakfasts like so.

After that I finally managed to ship a book from half.com I sold almost two weeks ago. I've had hell hit me with trying to ship this book, but alas, I shipped it. Victory! From there I went home and attempted more Christmas shopping, but still got no where.

2-6 I worked, helped some girls rock climb, talked to others, and booked our company Christmas party. After work I showered at the gym and then changed, and picked up my friend Melissa, and we went to the Storytelling Pictures Christmas Party. Got to re-connected with some great people. Ran into Jordan Carson, who co-hosted MYGR Weekend with me, as well as the WOODTV station manager, Meijer friends, and others. Also got to re-connect with a fellow film-maker Zac Page, who went to the same school as me years and years ago. We talked a good portion of the night about films and what we'd like to do in the future. They also held door prizes, and Melissa's name was drawn. She won a nice goodie bucket, and just won barely, because 15 seconds after she put in her name, they drew names.Also, I noted the sushi was darn good.

After the party, I spent some time talking with Jon, my dad's business partner. Jon has been like a 2nd father to me. He gave me some insight, and I'm hopefully getting breakfast or lunch with him come next week. He's a great guy, very thankful and blessed I have the opportunity to know him.

Left the event with Melissa, and then dropped her off at her house, although not before discussing my own life and what would happen to everything in it, even her and I. I just don't know. I left her house feeling guilty, and probably even leading her on. She encouraged me to fully disclose how I feel, so I am. I left her house, angry at myself. This is a girl I broke up with, and I'm conveniently keeping on a shelf for when I want to hang out with her. I cast my head.

I dreamt this dream in the earlier realm of this morning, as in the 14th, not the 13th, but I feel it's still part of my day. I've been using sleep as the chapter-skip point, but if I were to stay up all night, what would that be? Anyway, here is the dream I dreamt.
"I am batman. I've been fighting people occasionally, but Im finnally done. I am watching a bunch h of people get hurt in fake walls, and i try to warn robin, who is my good friend, not to get hurt. im watching from above as people walk through this big maze and the walls keeep falling them, watching them crush instantly. For some reason, I try to stop them, but they keep getting crushed. I turn around and Robin is having sex with Catwoman, or not having sex, but becoming very intamate. I keep telling him to stop, but he wont listen to me. they sit there in each others arms. then she leaves. he follows her. i tell him to be careful. i am hurt i have lost my good friend and partner to a girl, so i fly away. its the first time ive fown, though its not the regular flyingg. i flew , or glided with my bat cape until i landed on a garage. but something happened. maybe it was a light storm in the distance, mayge it was lightning, i dont know, but i lost my powers. i couldnt fly. i crashed through a roof and fell asleep. when i woke up, the next morning, some outcast old people who were sick of being taxed were outside arguing. one of them saw me. the pulld me out, maybe to kill me, but they still had some good in them and didnt. i tried to fly away, abut i fell. thishas happened to me before. ive dreamt this portion of the dream before. i lose myself. i dont know who i am. its like ive lost my identity, and i need to figure out who i am, so i cant use any of my powers. the people are nice and tell me i can stay with them... but time is short. i run away into a special morgue. i get inside, george clooney falls on top of me. ironic, because he was batman once in a movie. hes laying on top of me, and its awkward.... im like... so.,... whats my favorite geroge clooney movie... well i really liked fantastic mr. fox.... it was good. now the creepy part. im inside the morgue. its a giant catholic church morgue. old cobblestone and marble walls, but its hot. very hot. it reminds me of hell in a way, because people go here to die or be disposed of. i say disposed of, because hjeres what happens. this is the normal routine for how peol=ple die, and someine i knew died. it was this very obese man at my work that died, and the body is brought to this big cathedral like morgue. the builiding is a reddish tint inside, with smoke and lava running aunderneath. there are two big generatios and turbines that grind up the lava, but this is all underground. this obese man whos name i wont say has died, and his body part is in pieces. 
by the way, this whole timeim in here, that creepy song from star wars is playing,

the one where anakin becomes darht vader... its a chior song on the soundtrack, its a very ominious and gloomy song. they lso play this song in the star wars movie when qui gon is burning in his funeral in the phantom menace. anyway, this music is echoing throughout the halls. this obese man has been chopped up. he is dead. he was so fat, that in my dream, undreds of bags are there, carrying his fat and other muscles. the morgue instructer has a glowing red crown and septor sitting on a table that overlooks this conveyere belt underneath us. he tells me to go turn on the turbines to full speed. fi go over to the wall and do it, but a fuse blows, and i roast the whole place. i mean, it explodes. giant fire balls. i dont have my superpowers yet, so i can glide out or use my batarang. i sprint out for my life, and grab my friend melissa, who is helping throw these bags of fat over hte ledge. i grab her and we just make it out, as a giant fireball roars behind us. i wait, then we go back in, luckiliy, no one died. a fireball just escaped, but everyone keeps working. then the depressing scene happens. guys around me who are cutting up the body start making fun of the man, saying htings like fat f%%%. im glad hes dead... and ive been cutting him up all day, i love it... i enjoyed cutting him up. even though he was dead for all this, it was so animalistic. also, all of the meat form his body was charred form the fireball, so it smelled and looked tasty, but still disgusting, and id never eat it. now the main bishop stands up, my grandma and grandpa are here... and everyone starts chucking bags on this big metal wieght that starts to sink under water, which then will suck everything to the conveyor belt, which will ultimately burn it. the man that died was so fat, the barge is sinking underwater, and there are workerse in the water trying to help. i throw a bag in, riled with fat. i can see of his lungs in this bag, and i hurl it in. it splashes one of the workers, but he remains stone cold. the last image i see on this brarge, the size of a car btw, is an old couple in the water. they want to die today. they came here to die together. i was saddened by this, and almost started crying. they dont need to die yet, they may be old, but they still have each other. but its too late, the music, that sad sad music is still playing. the converor belt starst sup. the old couple says i love you to each other, and then grabs each other and gets sucked under the water, as more bags of the dead persons body parts are thrown on top of them. the rest of us in there wh as the bags and the old people are no sunken, and have been sucked onto the conveyor belt, where body parts and them will be crushed and burned in the turbines. i had to leave, i couldn watch these two people die, . if they hadnt drowned yet from being underwater for a minute, they were about to be burned alive. i remember seeing hands and feet of the obese man land on the conveyeor belt, as others watched arouund me, the bishop still in the middle of the room. he reminded me of an occultic leader, because, he just looked evil. i couldnt be in the room anymore.... i ran out, still trying to fly, but i couldnt, becasue i dont know who i am. i collapse on the ground oustide, in the frest airl... some people walking around are just looking at me, but i cant take it. i curlb up on the ground nad pray that i can become myself again..."

Day 115

Exam week!!

Took my Communications 101 exam this morning at ten. I was the first to finish and made it home by 11:15. This only left me with 45 minutes to Christmas shop online before I had to meet Mike at Costco for lunch. From lunch, I went to work.

Today at work was great, had many laughs, however, was saddened by a surprise death of one of our members. She was young, and I was one of the people that helped them get signed up. I was shocked to hear it, and for the rest of the day, a certain small omen hovered over me, casting this realization that we aren't promised tomorrow (as Betsy said). It made me think anyone can die at anytime. Each day is a gift. So, so, so, so many people neglect that.

After work I had to return to GVSU again for my Spanish exam. I was the 2nd one finished, and felt very good about the completion of the course. Returned home for more Christmas shopping. I must have sat in front of my mac for three hours, but still very little luck. One more gift ordered..... I feel so defeated..... not just from shopping, but in general.
I give up....
I surrender.

- The White Flag of Surrender -

Day 114

This morning was sunny, but still cold, and I went to church by myself.

I sat with Melissa because Chad blew a tire and Sam was working. We enjoyed the service, however, I experienced some irony in the first ten minutes. Much of which was on my mind the night before was right in front of me, literally, both in the flesh and in my phone. The best way I can sum this up is the past literally came back to haunt me, right there, in my pew. A former president of a college and an ex girlfriend... God must love irony. Sometimes I feel like (all in good fun mind you) God looks at his angels and says "Hey guys, come over here... watch this... " and throws me these ironic curve balls that He knows makes me scurry about and start wondering things and looking for signs. I'm like an ant who is doing his daily grind, and suddenly a rock falls into my area. I scatter.

Anyway, after church, Chad met Melissa and I at Akita Buffet, which is still lacking to Ming Ten. The food was good but the service was terrible. Blind people could provide a better waitstaff. We got zero refills. We had to shout and flag down the non-English speaking staff. We saw Gavin there, and chatted with him as well.

After that, Melissa came back to my house and we watched some Curb, hung out, and then left after some Costco pizza for Festival of Lights back at church. The show was decent, not bad. Makes me miss musical theatre. The music is my personal favorite... live instruments and singing always inspire me, make me think, and relax me. After the show we talked with Chad again and then I sped home so I could watch Dexter, but not before stopping off at Meijer. Ran into John and Marcia Evans, and talked with them for a bit. Picked up more junk food then returned home and watched Dexter. Augh!!! So good, so good. This season is probably my 2nd favorite.... I'm still tied between the 2nd and 5th season, though I always lean more towards the 2nd as the best.

This was taken in Meijer. Another shopper was shopping for Cheez-Its! and simply gave up. The conquest through Meijer and the cheesy snacks failed. Mission abandoned. I hope the shopper is okay, where ever they are.... maybe dangerous temple guards or crocodiles got to them before they could escape Meijer with the Cheez-Its. Maybe next time..

- Futile Mission -

Day 113

Because of my busy week and finalization of school for the semester, I've been behind on this, I know.... but the biggest downfall now is that I forgot to update my blog, which means I forgot what I did today.

I know I worked from 2-8, and spent a good hour and a half taking apart a huge leg press machine, and then painting the wall behind it.

After work, my usual gang went to Peppino's, where I ordred cherry coke and a darn good salad.

See, this post is so short...... Augh! Need to stay on this!

- Cold Friends -

Day 112

I've been having a more difficult time actually getting up in the morning... even on mornings like today, where I wake up at 9:00, I am still tired.

I had to be at work at 11, so I stopped off at the post office before I went in to ship my last item. From there, I punched in at work for a very long shift.... 11-6. I mean, that's not overly long, it went by fast, but I accomplished a lot. Worked on projects with my boss, replaced lights, set up a new project board that I'm manning now, it's great.

After work I went home and cleaned my room hardcore... again. Bleached the bathroom floor, picked up clothes, just made it look like a habitable living room vs. a refugee camp.  My friend Ryan came over and we had a nostalgia night with playing video games. We started with COD, but then, we really hit the memories when we started playing Crash Bandicoot games (CTR). We ended the night with some beers and watching Bruno. Gosh I love that movie. I'm adding Sacha Baron Cohen to my inspirational people on facebook right now.

And seriously, I'm so mad at myself I keep forgetting to take pictures.....

- CTR -

Day 111

The last cold morning I would have to get up to go to Com 101. We discussed relationships, fighting, confrontation, and other things that I feel I have mastered quite well.

After class I returned home and did more Christmas shopping online for random people. I wasn't there long before I decided to head out and do some returns from the birthday and other older purchases I've had. Plus, I had a free meal at China Max. This friggin punch card took over a year and a half to fill out. If you've never eaten at China Max, it's one of the best mall chinese venues you'll find. I got a huge plate and a giant coke, and ate till I was about to explode. I never got why Chinese people are typically smaller, when the majority of their food is protein packed chicken. Hmmm.... Seriously, have you ever seen ripped or body building Chinese people? Hmmm... Anyway, walked around the mall, returned some pants that were 2 months old, picked up some gifts, and left the mall, but not before stopping at Michaels to get some frames for my bathroom.

Finally got home and did some more shopping, then left for work soon and worked until close. It was a slower shift, but I enjoyed it. After the shift, I went out with my friends April and Kaitlin. I took them to the Braodway Pub, which is truly a Christmas spirit bar. There was a huge mini Christmas city they put in the middle of the bar, and, well, I took pictures, but even the pictures I took won't do the bar justice. You go to this bar and you just never want to leave. Every table has robotic and moving robots that sing Christmas songs, lights, table cloth, it's just overboard. A cozy feel good Christmas bar. We stayed there for a good hour and a half, made good friends with the waitress, and I ordered the olive burger, and dang. Their burgers are rated in the top 5 burger bars in G.R. Just sayin...
- Broadway Pub -

Day 110

It was truly a rare moment this morning that I could sleep in and not have to work (and thank goodness for that, because, as mentioned on the previous blog, going to sleep at 5:00am has it's disadvantages).

However, the masses of ebay buyers paid me my wages, so it was time to ship out items. I felt rather sick, probably from the previous night, so I went to Meijer and bought coconut water, which is amazing. Totally refreshed, re-hydrates, and packs you with potassium. Bought my materials, then went home to pack all the items with the help of my mother.

Later on, I met my friend Tanya for lunch at Panera. We talked for a good hour about life, memories, our views on things, and then I bid her farewell so she could look at a house. I then shipped the items after Panera, and went to my last classes in debate and Spanish, where I aced the oral Spanish exam, and we watched the Stanford Prison Experiment in debate. Good way to end a semester.

Afterwards, Mike took me out for my birthday, which consisted of grabbing Costco hot dogs, and then seeing the film "Hugo" in 3D.  The previews before the movie were laughable. All the new movies coming out are 3D releases. Excluding Star Wars, because getting to see the first 3D footage from Phantom Menace almost got me aroused, but the rest of the previews were just remakes. Beauty and the Beast, and Titanic. Yes, Titanic is coming out in March is 3D. See the drownings like never before. I joked that Titanic could win best picture..... again, just Titanic 3D. Hollywood, you are running out of ideas clearly. The film Hugo was beautiful, and I'm sure is going to win some type of award. It pays some glorious homage to old films that date before the 1900's, and is essentially a 3D version of Cinema Paradiso. I liked it alot, and when I found out it is based on true people and the films in the movie where re-done from the original destroyed films, wow. This is no mere PG kids film.

- To Understand this picture (from a film before the 1900's, go see "Hugo" -

Day 109

23 Fingers today...
or 10 fingers, 10 toes, and 3...... hmmmm...

3...... 3....... tongue stretches. : p   : p   : p

Went to school, put in my time with my Com 101 class, and then went over to my grandma's, so she could take me birthday shopping. (23 fingers.... birthday... now you get it). We went to the Woodland Mall area and shopped around, with me only finding a pair of pants. We checked out Centerpointe Mall, which is dying horribly. The west wing of the mall is nothing. I mean nothing. The skate park closed. I'm sorry, but if a mall can't even keep a skate park open in a tenants space, i.e. a giant empty room and no one will even skate in an empty closed down room, its a good sign the mall is dying. We were there for T.J. Maxx by the way. Otherwise, that mall is good for finding a corner and sitting and crying.

Had lunch at Chipotle with her, which she has never had, nor Q'doba. We both ate our burritos and enjoyed the more organic Mexican food. We then drove home, hitting one other store, and then I ran home, to finish a book and prepare the presentation for my creativity final in Holland. Fast forward to 7:00 PM, the presentation came, I assume I did fairly decent. I promoted and discussed my journey and the future with the adult themed children's book I'm writing. More details on that will follow in the future. One of the projects really stood out to me. I've attached the video of it for my picture of the day.

Went to Chad's, met up with friends, and then together, we all went to Monelli's, where Meliss, April, and Ryan were waiting for us. I love my friends, but they all bought me shots....... this turned into going back to Chad's, drinking water, and laying down until 4:30a.m.

Actually, where is my water bottle...... feeling sloshy again....

 As mentioned above, and on a more serious note, this video I'm about to show really spoke to me. It also inspired me to go ahead and actually get a tattoo very similar to the motto in this video.

- this just got to me -

Day 108

Sorry for the delay, a blessed and busy birthday week added with school projects has slowed these updates down...

So Monday..... where was I? Working from 10-2. More renovations taking place, people complaining, (which I'll never understand.... us doing good for them yet they are still ill-content. ) Work was meh.

After work, I went to school where I spent a good hour in my debate class debating over hand warmers. Yes, it was a zanier argument, but my closing statement sold the class. Spanish class came, which is my last Spanish class of the semester!!!

After class I stopped at Meijer, picked up some pomegranate, went home, and Christmas shopped on Ebay for a good hour and a half.

- Sorry for another Far Side, I swear this wont become a calendar -

Day 107

For a city that has been prepping for a fierce winter, we still have no snow, and today was not even that cold. Wet ground from some rain and, well keyword rain.... liquid that has fallen from the freezing sky and still not frozen....

Church was great, I got more dressed up than I usually do. After the service I rode back home with Melissa and we hung out my house for my birthday gathering. Grandparents brought Jet's Pizza,and within the hour, we were eating, talking, and having some merriment. It was good to see the family together again, under the roof. Gifts were great, and I am very thankful, and the cake and ice cream were nice touches as well. Actually, scratch that, those are critical..... not nice touches.

After the cake we started watching old movies I did in high school and earlier, and even dug into my precious memories box and went through my "portfolio" of drawings, books, etc. My mother has kept all of this, and I am also thankful. After the partygoers left, Melissa and I went downtown to see a Christmas chorale concert in the beautiful Park's Church. Ended the night with Tanya and Chad, watching Dexter and playing more Modnation Racers.

On a different note, being in this church and listening the to Latin originated hymns made me think about my great grandpa who passed away in 2005. For some odd reason, the music triggered a memory to come back into my head. It was the last thing my great grandfather said to me. He told me that I'd be fine, that I would grow up to be a good looking man and marry a pretty girl, be successful, and help others around me. I believe him to be right, and I want to make sure I'm living my my life in a way that will get me on that road. I reflected on this the rest of the concert.......and still am right now.

- Family for my birthday -

Day 106

A rainy cold Saturday. Looks nothing like December, but it ain't no August either.

I woke up and tinkered with my iMac more, cleaned my room, but the biggest task was to get out the door by 11:30 so I could make it to the post office to ship that banner. I made it within the 20 minute closing mark, leaving another happy eBay buyer with a soon-to-arrive item.

Once home, I sat up in the living room and just talked and hung out with my family. Ethan woke up late but was watching Spongebob, my dad was napping, and my mom was on her iPad. I sat with my tablet and we just talked, relaxed, and I couldn't win at spider solitaire. I talked my dad into take a road trip for the day, so me and him went down to Firekeepers Casino in Battle Creek. Wow. This place reminds me of the mini Vegas; it makes Gun Lake look like the CVS and this is the Sam's Club. Optical lights, illuminating walls that change color, themed rooms, private clubs, restaurants, huge parking garages, yes, this is the Indians at their finest. I joined the players club, which entitles you to free valet, coat check, $3 off lunch and $4 off meals, discounts at other stores and restaurants, wow. It's crazy. I did great on the penny slots as usual, and left a winner this time. After that, me and my dad stopped at a dinky mall called Lakeview Square, which was dying. The mall was so low in business that local people from the city started coming in and taking over the vacant stores. One store was just an old man selling hot dogs. Another store was a lady selling corn hole boards and bean bags.... yah, this is the recession. On the way home, we stopped at Crossroads Mall in Kalamazoo, which is nicer and hopping. We grabbed some chinese food, and then stopped at Plato's, where I talked my dad into buying some really nice boots and shirt. It was a good spree. We got to talk and catch up, and just enjoyed the trip. Glad for the father-son day.

Later, Melissa came over to play video games. This is why she's one of my best friends. Because she learns to play COD or Modnation Racers and we have so much fun, time flies and it ends up being way past my bedtime.

- Firekeepers Casino -

Day 105

Finally! A day where I can sleep in. No class or early morning work schedules. This has been highly needed.

I enjoyed time around my house with breakfast, messing around and updating my new iMac, and cleaning my room. I left a little earlier for work so I could grab Quizno's and hopefully ship a banner I sold on eBay. Time was too short, therefore the banner will be shipped tomorrow.

Work came and went, helped set up a Christmas tree, and then I left work and met with Melissa at my house. We took our laptops to McDonalds and worked on things. I was searching for salary jobs (yes, that's right) as well as reading news stories and getting informed with the world. I got a free Coca-Cola glass with my purchase too, so that was cool.

Went home, watched Sherlock Holmes, and then met up with Tanya, Ryan and Chad at T.G.I. Friday's where some drinks and talking ensued. I got really sleepy (probably from the honey ham shot I downed.... yes, it was good), and remember getting home and cuddling up in my bed. Thanks for not letting me die Melissa.

-The honey-ham shot, 100 proof -

Day 104

Another communication class this morning. We had a guest speaker, the president of Pelican Productions. He was a very enjoyable speaker, and had some very important things to share with us.

After class I went home and mozied around for a bit. Today was just an uneventful day. I killed what time I                     could before work. Once work came, I did what I do best on the job and, well, did my job. After work, my friend Dana and I did our first hip-hop dance class, taught by a fellow co-worker and friend Mitch. It was a really good turn out, considering there were probably 16 people in the class, of all ages and ethnicities. We danced for a good hour. No, I'm still white.

Left slightly sore and met up with my friend Ryan, where we stopped for some burgers, played some ping pong (Ryan is a champ at ping pong), and went to Gun Lake. I really need to learn when to walk away while I'm ahead.

- Another one of my favs -

Day 103

The last day of the month, and man a fast month and day it was.

Started out by getting up, taking a vitamin, checking the weather, and going to work. I was at work for just under five hours, which was plenty of time to get caught up on the busy day before, take care of some more papers, make some calls, etc. Busy days mean fast days.

The afternoon came for classes, but I just wasn't feeling it. True, I had a 25 point homework assignment due, and a debate class to attend, but I simply wasn't feeling like school. My grades were high, and the day was young, so I decided to make a call and go and purchase an iMac desktop... finally! I drove out to Zeeland and picked up my new treasure. All I can say is craigslist is wonderful.

The remaining night was spent, as you guessed, updating the iMac, transferring files from my laptop, putting new software on it, and doing what Apple let's you do best... play with your technology. I also put several more items on eBay, one of which sold instantly thanks to the buy it now option. I was in a weird if not borderline depression funk, just because I'm selling many things that have such a sentimental value to me. I know I won't use them again, but it's memories.... I'm selling memories.... items I've collected or spent time with, only to now auction them off to strangers....

It's a sad feeling.... letting go of the things you have fond memories with. Farewell November. Farewell my possessions. Farewell

- A very beautiful image of "Letting go" -

Day 102

Alas! The cold is gone. No tissues ruined, no coughing up crud, no soar body. I'm cured. This has been the weakest yet longest cold I've had.

It was still so cold outside, I did not want to leave the confines of my warm bed. Com 101's attendance policy says otherwise, so out the door I went to a short, hour long class. Then back home, where I disrobed myself, got back in bed, and played Batman. Nerdom wins again!

From 2-6 I worked today, and it was the busiest shift yet....from 5-6:30 I was on my feet, flinging papers, pens, food, and dealing with a line of clients that almost went out the door. The playroom was also packed to the brim, with seven to eight kids in there, so much that my boss had to go back there and also help control the crowd. I managed this frustration, but the people just kept coming. It was a constant battle to simply "keep my cool".

After work, my good friend Mike came in and picked me up for a movie. He brought me my Christmas present, which is, another Batman game. Oh boy. My contributions to society will soon hit an all time low. Now I have to Batman games to devour my time. We went to see "The Rum Diary" but thirty minutes into the movie, I was falling asleep, and Mike was bored. The film wasn't necesarrily bad, but my sleep habits have been terrible lately. I'm constantly tired when it gets dark; though I'm not at the Heath Ledger stage.... yet. We then went to Bran's and met up with Mike's work friend and had some drinks, well, I had one. I ordered a honey Jack Daniels Pepsi. Wow. Three liquids I love.

Went home and here I sit, ready to play the new Batman game Mike bought me. Thanks Mike. : D
You've made me a fan.

Ahh, and skype with Ty!

- The Batman -

Day 101

This Monday marks my last full week of classes at GVSU. I smile widely.

Went into work at 10:00, and served my four hour shift loyally, before returning home to change and then leave early for school. To my dismay, when I got home, I realized I had until 9:00 to do the video, so I hit the cyber Monday markets of some retail sites, as well as eBay. Gosh I'm such a nerd. :/

GVSU time came, and for my debate class, we had the Kent County defense attorney come in and speak. It was a very engaging and interesting conversation. Here is a lady who is paid to defend criminals, or as she put it, "her job is to simply ensure we protect the Constitutional right that everyone deserves a fair trial". I asked her if she thinks the justice system is too nice, since I've discovered in my own findings that everyone that gets arrested has a multiple list of priors. She said she works with a lot of dumb people, and dumb people pay the bills. She also mentioned she had a client who had 127 priors on his record.... to that, I thought my own negative thoughts on our courts system. I mean, after the 50th offense, you think that'd be a sign to lock him up for life, but..... we are in America. Corruption is not just found on Wall Street....

Spanish class is winding down, and after it, I shot my video and then hit the dark night road. I headed over to Melissa's house for a small birthday gathering. Kaleigh, Alex, Cody and Kelsey, and Victoria were all there, as well as Melissa's family. It was good to see many old faces I have not seen in awhile. The pie was amazing, as well as the ice cream. The ladder of the evening was spent with Melissa and Kaleigh, watching YouTube videos.....

- 2 Beautiful Best Friends -

Day 100

100 Days!!! I'm almost a third of the way there! Thanks again Ty.

The cold virus update.... 93% gone... just coughing here and there.

Current gas price $ 3.09 gallon

This morning was nothing special, considering I worked from 10-5. The day as usual went by very fast, so I must be doing something right. After work I went home where a great meal awaited me, compliments of my mother. Ate with the whole family, and then devoted some serious time into decorating and putting up the Christmas tree (or holiday trees as the government has deemed them), and put up other Christmas ornaments. Dad also started cleaning out the storage room, and wow, it looks different, and of course, better.

Later on, in the cozy confines of my living room, Caleb came over and we watched Dexter. Another great episode, with more twists and shocks, and I'm reminded why I love this show. After the show, Caleb departed, and I skyped with Melissa for a brief period, before heading to bed.

On an opposite note, a moment of reflection: 100 days. It's been a journey so far. This is for you, my readers. Some of you I know, some of you I know not. Blogger has an A-Check in the technology used for tracking views, traffic, hits, and referrals. Heck, I've gotten multiple hits from Russia and Germany. I don't know what country you (the reader) are from, but thank you for reading. To the Russians and Germans reading this... you may never meet me. Chances are you will probably forget about this blog in only two years. I hope you are well. Our governments are not so different. In America, we are facing a corrupt government that is simply printing money out of air, destroying the value of the dollar and of gold. We are trying to be formed into a more and more socialist economy, despite what critics say, its true. Republican, Democrat, and Unitarian, they all agree.... we now have too much government. Our president is trying to solidify a unanimous health care plan, (and if you Russians and Germans aren't aware, every other government run program is near bankruptcy, including our postal/mail service, social security service, and other smaller divisions) bailing out corrupt businesses, and punishing us, the people of the U.S.A. The other truth is, that even if a new president is elected, they can only prolong what is to come. A Republican is NOT our messiah. In this lifetime, I fear America will undergo it's 2nd depression. We will crash. I know in history, your citizens (Russia and Germany) have faced many difficult times like this. I hope you prevail, and continue to love those who need love. Ultimately, your life is what you make it, despite the cards you are dealt in life. Someday I hope to visit your countries, and stay active in adding new pages to the story of my life.

Dearest Russia and Germany, and whoever else is reading this..... we are still alive. All I can leave with is one truth. Follow the Light.

- I'm going to get s*** for this, but hey, I get s*** everyday for just being....me -

Day 99

I told myself I'd spend a day devoted to figuring out my life. Looking at schools, different cities, and jobs. Well that failed..... at least today.

I did enjoy the sleep I obtained. Had a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, and grape juice for breakfast. I also took time to read my Bible this morning, something I've been needing to do. I then spent the early Saturday with Batman, eBay browsing, and cleaning and fixing up my car. Shortly after lunch, Jordan came over and brought me a latte. We talked with my parents and she helped my clean out stuff to sell. I'm embarrassed at all the Simpsons loot I've acquired over the years. I spent a good $200.00 my senior year of high school on memorabilia from the series, and it's been sitting in a box ever since. Oh what we pay for.... stuff. Collecting is a dangerous sport.

Jordan and I ran to grab some food and then she departed, which then followed Melissa coming over. We're friends... darn good ones. I don't know sometimes to feel guilty or innocent for acting so normal considering the mind/emotional funk that preceded our relationship. Nonetheless, we watched the film "One Day", and she brought me my favorite tea. After the film, Caleb came over and the three of us went to Bagger Dave's, a new restaurant in the Ada / GR area where my friend Mike is a waiter. The food was great, and the price ran circles around other restaurants.

After dinner we drove home, and then played never have I ever. I didn't lose, but I didn't win. You can figure out how I placed. Never have I ever.... interesting game. It's a game that, unknowingly, showcases exactly just how bad or adventurous one is. It ties in great to my point on the previous blog.... morals. People give them up, lose them. I feel so sequestered and disconnected, feeling like I'm the only one who will do this and not do this. In the past it always results in the same. Losing friends, losing status, and oddly gaining friends, and gaining status. I find that the things lost are truly not needed, and the things gained are duly needed. I've watched friends, loved ones, and even family members fall away..... and sadly, I'm not a lifeguard. I can't save them. I think alot about the Bert Royal's stage play, "Dog sees God", which is the Peanuts gang grown up into teenagers. The play is brutal. Charlie Brown and his friends have all succumbed to the worldly pleasures of dregs, suicide, depression, sex, and a decaying lifestyle, all while in high school. As time presses on, we either grow stronger and cleaner, or decay and die.

- Car ride home from Bagger Dave's -

Day 98

Black Friday. The mega retail rampage. And for the first time in a long time,the day I slept in.

I awoke first, just in time to say goodbye to my uncle, who was heading to work. From there I goofed around on my tablet, watched some youtube videos, played spider solitaire, and waited for Cameron to wake up. From there, we went to Franklin Park Mall, a giant mall in Toledo, OH that was still an active hive for hungry shoppers. We went into several stores, but I just wasn't finding anything that was me. Don't get me wrong, the deals were great.... heck, I tried on a $50 jacket for $15 and a $15 sweater at H&M, but it wasn't me. I don't know if I've grown out of it, if I have a new style, I don't know exactly.... but I couldn't do it. Last year, I'd be wearing it right now as I type, but different stores had my sights. Banana Republic, J Crew, and Gap were some. I ended up leaving the mall with nothing....

Cameron and I met up with my aunt, my mother, and grandma, and the five us ate lunch at Applebees, which is still what you would expect at Applebees. After lunch, Cameron and I got in my car and set off for home. The first part of the trip flew by, and then around 5 ish, we landed at Tanger Outlets, where I could get a 2nd chance to hit the stores I was unusually attracted to (except J Crew, I love that store). I found my blue oxford. Our friends at Gap can get the credit for that. Fit's great, looks great, and feels great. Cheaper than J Crew, so I bought it. Left Tanger with a very big smile as well as a very big vitamin water. An hour and a half later, we arrived back into the hometown. As I was bringing Cameron home, another deer, who clearly must have seen my 2nd comic I posted on here, struck back again. As I was literally saying to my cousin "well, there are no deer out here...." the mother of Bambi lept in front of me as I screamed a not so nice word and hit a not so nice animal. At this point I was mad. Is God trying to kill me? Do deer have it in for me? Are hunters failing? New hunting rule. If it has 4 legs, shoot it. My car can't take it anymore.

Dropped Cameron off, then went to Chad's where I got to see my friends plus Jordan, who was back from Texas. We spent a good portion of the night there, watching Star Wars on T.V. and playing battle of the sexes. After Chad's I went back to Jordan's where her and I got to catch up, and just talk about life.... until 3:00AM. Jordan's a great friend..... I have high respect for her. Yet, I feel disconnected....again... another person. The talk made me realize a lot about myself. This world has so much evil..... and it's.... well.... actually.. I'll save this for the next blog. It won't make sense until I act upon what I have learned. Part II will be on Saturday's.

- The anti-racism shirt I did NOT buy -

Day 97

Thanksgiving. The holiday that for some reason will never vary the food choice. Turkey, cranberry, stuffing, potatoes, and beans.... Why not orange chicken? Pastas? Artichokes? And a berry bowl?

I woke up at my grandma's and for the most part hung around her house for a few hours. I was playing with the new tablet for awhile (Acer..... it's no iPad, but it's Google's tab... like a giant android phone). Ruby, Shelby's defiant and stubborn dog ran away and me and my cousins walked up and down streets trying to find the bitch. My uncle and Cameron found her, way down at the end of the street.

Cameron, Kelsey and I then ran to downtown Monroe to a CVS pharamcy to grab some drinks and medicines (odd combo). Then we dressed up, and I packed up, and we went to Toledo to my Uncle Mike's house for a very large Thanksgiving meal. Beer, Turkey, Cranberry Sauces, Stuffing, Red wine, (why are all these in caps?), guacamole, smoked salmon, trail mix, pretzels, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, and other dishes were served. (There Lauren... there's my meal run down).
One thing great about Toledo is the fuel. Gas is under $3.00 here! Yes, I filled up my car to the brim. Later on in the evening, I followed my cousin Jason over to his house he bought, with Cameron riding with me. Jay's a cook. He's gone to culinary school for two years now, and is loving it. He's trying to get on a cruise line and serve food. He cooks at some restaurant in Novi, I forgot the name, but it's a non-national chain. His house was beautiful, it reminded me of a Heritage Hill house in G.R. Hardwood cherry floors, upstairs, and heck, he even built his own recording studio in the top floor, complete with soundproofing the entire room with carpet. Made me want to move out.... in fact, it made me want everything I questioned the night before. I mean, how fun would it be to buy an old house, fix it up, paint it with your wife, take a break from painting and make love on the paint sheets. That sounds swell.

But of course, I am not married, I am not a home owner, but I am a determined gent. The entire ride back I thought about the image of love. Even to the point of not fooling around with other women. To be honest, this is what I'm thankful for. Love, and what little I know if it, is powerful. So strong that it can forgive someone's past and fill that dark past and even the future with love. I don't believe love operates on a linear time table. It's a beauty of a thing. I feel, not even biblically speaking, but secular speaking, abstinence is important because it preserves that love. As my aunt put it, "Derek, every time you get physical with a girl, you're doing that with someone's wife". It's true. The last image I want is to look in my wife's eyes and become reminded or see something that would cause pain. That is your woman/man. You want them to be as pure as can be. But, even if they have had a past, that love, it has to be so strong, that it will wipe that clean.... that's what love should look like. This is why I'm not going to so much as even kiss another girl unless I'm in a relationship with her. I don't know a lot about real love, but it sounds amazing, and I'll do everything I can to have it.

Ended the night with watching Seinfeld with my cousin and uncle. We spent the night at his house in Toledo, preparing for the busy day to follow at Westfield Mall. Two letters... H & M.

- Thanksgiving Table -

Day 96

The first day of the break. What better way to spend this than relaxing around my house, doing nothing better than silly Batman. Nothing eventful really happened today, except for simply enjoying the relaxation part around my house.

Around 5:00 I went into work for just an hour. I told a girl who took my shift I'd fill in for her while she could go get dinner. While I was there I made sure the pool was par with standards, since I'm pool manager now. It's the biggest body of water that has the biggest body of neglect. I'm and old gay man's dream... I'm a pool boy.

After work I went to my church for a special Thanksgiving Eve service they were doing. The hour was spent with an open mic time in which members could simply stand up and say what they were thankful for, and share amazing stories that displayed that there is in fact, a God. I debated standing up multiple times, but decided against it, rather wanting to hear others. Afterward I talked with my pastor and a friend for a bit, and then went into the gymnasium to grab some apple pie.

With it being about 8:20, I had my car packed with clothes, pillow, and sleeping back, which meant road trip. I set out for Monroe where I would join my family for Thanksgiving on the day to follow. The drive was beautiful.... probably because Coldplay's new album was flooding my car all the way. it game me time to think.... I wonder if I'd want a girlfriend ever. Made me think about traveling when I'm done with school. Go to Europe, Netherlands, Japan. Made me think about the people I hurt. Made me think about the people that hurt me.

It was a beautiful drive.

- Night Drive -