Day 87

............

So many people wonder why God allows terrible things to happen. Why he lets tsunamis and earthquakes demolish cities and families. We wonder why.... and yet, he is God... sometimes we never know why..... but he doesn't like doing it. I felt a similar feeling today. Carrying around a storm cloud...

Waking up with stuffed noses are never fun.... it was one of those really hard blows out the nose. One of the blows where you do it really hard and you just hear the high pitched air escaping through a newly created crevasse inside the mucus. I got ready and went to work, and spent about 70% of my shift, just cleaning, trying to just clean. I didn't feel like human interaction, just wanted to clean.

In honor of the main idea behind this blog, yet, for personal reasons, I ended the boyfriend/girlfriend status with my girlfriend today. That was my storm cloud I was carrying around.... I can't say anything else. It was a very hard day. I cant talk about it right now.

Gave my speech today, which went good. I guess I was up at the podium for ten minutes, but it felt like 4. It comes natural to me, I tend to thrive on communication. Spanish was fast as well.... in fact, my whole night flew unnaturally fast. Spent some time in the Spanish lab, which I'm done with next week, right before Thanksgiving. Thank goodness.

Went home, picked up some hot and sour soup, browsed eBay for some Sperry's, and just thought. I don't know a lot about life, right now so much doesn't make sense. I was thinking about things I get... what makes sense to me.... I realized that film, vitamins, & Spanish language are the only things I'm getting right now...kind of depressing, but its true... I just get it. I can connect, relate, and see the benefit and future in those things. Time will hopefully bring more relations, connections, and meanings to a life that is currently being moved by God in the chessboard of life. I skyped with Ty last night for a solid hour and a half, and we both realized how blessed we are that we are currently being moved and watched by God at this very minute. Right now, God is shaping us into the men he wants us to be, and it's a bittersweet feeling.

Time to watch last night's Dexter I missed. One other character that makes sense to me.

- This best represents my speech style for speeches -

Day 86

Terrible night. Waking up at 4 and 5 AM to go try to swallow water in the bathroom. My tonsils inflamed, my throat tight with an infection.... it was not pretty. It hurt to sleep at one point.

The morning came, and I had my mom make me hot tea while I sat in my shower and sweat in burning water for a good 15 minutes. Some Raisin Bran and tea later, I was feeling much better, but still had the virus lurking around my body. I got dressed and headed out towards Jenison to my aunt and uncle's house. We were going to Birch Run today, a giant outlet mall somewhere northwest of Detroit and or Flint.

We made good time getting there, and when we arrived, I was amazed at how busy it was. Stores in multiple lots, across the street, it was crazy. I hit a lot of the stores in the first hour I was there, and realized I should have taken my time. Until they closed (which was 7:00PM), I was following my aunt and Kelsey around in too many stores. I have to give her credit..... my Aunt Colleen can shop forever. My joints and body began to give out around 6:00PM, and this was mainly due to a lack of food too. I bought a great sweater at J. Crew, as well as khaki skinny jeans and some amazing vitamin C blend of
acerola cherries. I spent the last 10 minutes that I was there in the vitamin store, all while I was sampling vitamins and looking at just how powerful some of these little chewable and swallowable pills where. I made good conversation with the lady, and even donated some money to their foundation for kids to get vitamins. I was able to provide 4 children with daily vitamins for an entire year. I may never meet them, but I hope they stay healthy.

I feel distant....... the last 7 minutes in the film "Trainspotting" describe how I feel down to a tee. Ewan McGregor is a doppelganger to my life and the situation I'm in....

Getting online now to wind down my tired night by talking to my good friend Ty via Skype. Wonder what we'll talk about....

- The loot after the shopping trip -

Day 85

After following all of this cold weather, the Saturday's, particularly this one has been warm.
I had to be at work at 2:00 today, and didn't make it in time to ship the last of the movies I sold on eBay, but I did have time to meet with my Aunt Colleen for lunch at Q'doba.

We were in the Mexican eatery for a good hour and a half, just talking about life, me, the future, and the bundle of choices and desires I have in my head and heart. It was a good day. The lunch finished, I went to work, put in my six hours, and then left work at night, heading home for a few games of COD

Around 10:00, my friend Caleb came over. We started to watch Dexter, but realized that the right episode wasn't taped.... conceding, we left and went to Monelli's, where we just hung out and shared a pizza. It feels good to break out of my root of circles I've felt so trapped in lately. New faces, people, places, and opportunities are carefully being sought out, courtesy of myself.

Went home and crashed, before starting to feel a familiar itch in my throat.... uh oh.

- Aunt Collen & I -

Day 84

I forgot to mention, yesterday was the first snowfall. And a snowfall it was. Heavy amounts, particularly in Byron Center, covering my entire yard, coating any grass that may lie beneath under the white blanket. It's almost winter. The death. The end. It's the time where time itself comes to the end of the ticker, waiting for a new year to be rung in, resetting the clock, again, and again. Also, today was 11.11.11. Facebook statuses went mad, though my favorite goes to my cousin...
Cameron - "Hey! Guess what! 11.12.2011. is the only time this century that will happen."

I woke up at Mike's, and luckily Kentwood had much of its snow already melted. I met Melissa for breakfast at Panera, and we stayed there for about an hour. I was in an odd mood. I wanted to help everyone around me. I could feel pain and worrying and sadness in others around me. I wanted to be that stranger that walks up to them and says, "its okay..... it will be fine" and hug them... performing a little act, that would add huge emotion, and last a lifetime in their memory.

Went home to get my precious time in with the new MW3 game. Oh how I thoroughly love this. Shot some faces in and then went to work for 4 hours where I spent a good portion of the night cleaning the pool area, specifically mopping green mold off the deck. Gotta love negligent work habits.

Went home and ate a Subway footlong, compliments of my mother. Ate the sub, watched even play Batman, and then went over to Noah's for a very cold and warm bonfire. The bulk of the night I did some thinking, just sat, watched the snow melt under the intense flames. I met this cool guy named Jazz, who was wearing a digital belt that he could program, making it say anything. Kind of cool, in the party sense, and that's what this was. The stars.
Oh gosh, the stars. They are a sight. A connect-the-dots game to a different future.

- Jazz and his cool belt -

Day 83

Class was not canceled today, and I went full force and attended school.

After class I went home, did my thing, and went to work. Did a lot at work, and enjoyed the jasmine tea my girlfriend brought me. After work, winter began. Snow, snow, and more snow, thickly fell onto the earth, for all to slip and slosh.

After work I went and bought Modern Warfare 3, which is easily the biggest game of the year. 9. something million copies sold on the first day. Dang. Wish I would have invested in Infinity Ward and Activision. Stocks soared. I then went to Mike's house and played COD, and went with him to get his copy of "SkyRim", and watched him play it for awhile.

- Line outside Gamestop in Kentwood for Skyrim. -

Day 82

Let me sum up this day very quickly.

1.) Worked. Yay.

2.) School. Did speeches, which I lucked out and now won't go until next Monday.
3.) Went to Spanish Lab, learned how to use photobooth. Guy told me he liked my jacket. Thanks guy
4.) Went home and played COD

Yay yay and yah.

Day 81

After waking up, I said to myself, I’ll check the computer, maybe class is cancelled.

That turned into checking my eBay sales, Facebook statuses, and the weather, completely forgetting about my original motive. About an hour later, I arrived to my school, only to discover my class was cancelled. Money in the meters gone. I sighed loudly and decided to get some of my parking money’s worth, and saw a counselor.

After class I went home where I remained for a good portion of the day. I caught up on Batman Arkham City and some C.O.D, before I left and put in a workout with my friend Dana. That followed a work meeting, which followed me returning home to do more of the previous activities. Today was definitely a video game day.

I would like to take a minute, however, and say something to you, the reader. Maybe you know me, but never hang out with me. Maybe you’ve never even met me (if that’s the case, I hope my blog is filling in the finer details of my life). Maybe you just don’t see me. Whoever you are, reading this, I apologize. I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve disconnected from everything and everyone. I enjoy spending time alone. I have grown distant from the once familiar. I have created distance and boundaries from my friends, my girlfriend, and people in general. My family remains the same, which is how it should be, but, for unknown reasons, I just haven’t been myself. I don’t know why. Could it be excessive drama? Lack of talents being utilized in Grand Rapids? An unknown and challenging career path? Looking to always please people? I don’t know.

To my reader, I am sorry.