Day 58

I worked.

No church, no splendid stroll in the fall weather. Just 7 hours of indoors of work. Lonely, not a lot of interaction, just work. Minimal amount of homework got done as well.

After work I went home and Melissa came over. We watched Aladdin, as well as parts of Homeward Bound before we realized we couldn't take it seriously. It was a great movie growing up, still is, but some of those voice overs are so off. We also watched a small portion of my home movies, which just made me feel happy.

Shortest blog ever.

- Blue Steel -

Day 57

An entire Saturday all to myself. What to do, what to do....

I woke up (duh) and had breakfast. By breakfast, I mean coffee. I then went into my room and started the gigantic cleaning process. I cracked the window, letting in even colder air than the day before. It took a process of about two hours to do a thirty minute job, mainly because that darn kitten kept climbing my window and screaming to come in. My weak heart, and love for cats made me keep letting him in, only to throw him out later, and then he'd meow and scream again to come in. At one point, he cut through my screen in the corner and snuck in. He's a ninja kitten. He tried to sneak around and jump on my bed and sleep, and I let him, for about 30 minutes, until the vacuum came on. Cats + Vacuums = Cat Apocalypse.

After my room was situated, and I lined the marked on eBay with a few items, I went over to my friend Gavin's house. I've known Gavin for a little over two years now. He's studying to be a photographer, model, designer, I guess a triple threat to the industry. He's got an amazing eye for photos, as well as beauty in people and in the city. We stopped at Goodwill, Krispy Kreme (I had 3 donuts), and Plato's Closet. He lost his Jesus rosary... I don't know what happened to it. I guess someone's gonna literally find Jesus. He then snapped a few shots of me for his portfolio, and we concluded our adventures at 8: 15

Ended the night at Chad's with Mike and Sam, where we watched the Tiger's play the Rangers, unaware that their run was about to be done. In between the game, the beers, and the pizza from our friends at Jet's, we played Yahtzee and Clue. Mike won both of them. It was Professor Plum, in the living room, with the baseball bat ( a good murder weapon in tie with the Tiger's).

- Ninja Kitty -

Day 56

For Friday, I was watching the weather slowly become more and more touched with a winter chill, waiting for the inevitable that is only weeks away. Snow. Luckily, it was only around 50.

Had some breakfast with my grandparents, and even got to witness an animal fight with the zoo of animals we have at our house right now (4 dogs, 3 cats). All the dogs started attacking the kitten, to the point where the kitten was growling, and my grandpa had to intervene, pushing all of them out of the way. Poor kitty.... drifted around the house before leaving to go to work at 2:00. Only four hours spent on a Friday shift, and my night and the day to follow would be free, ensuring I have a great weekend. Upon getting out of work, I went home and hung out again with the family, before we all decided to then go out to Gun Lake Casino. I swear the machines have gotten tighter and tighter. 1 hour later, I'm out 40 bucks, and no one else walks away with winnings either....

- Band at the Casino -

Day 55

The last midterm, Com 101. I'm confident I scored in the B grade range, but I'll know Monday. A waste of a lot of gas and miles just to take an exam for twenty minutes. College, eh?

I went home after that, had a proper breakfast and did some COD before I went over to Mike's for an hour to play COD there. Left Mike's went to work 12-5, an unusual shift but thanks to my boss I nailed another member.

Went home to see my grandparents from Tennessee were here. They're cool cats, and they brought their two dogs, Oliver and Maddie with them. My dog is going to murder everyone. Poor Carmen. We had some pizza, and I put "Dragon's Fart", a barbeque mango hot sauce all over it. I dashed out and picked up my amazing girlfriend for what I believe is our first date... Went and saw the movie 50/50, which was alright.... the last thirty minutes really made the film. It made me wonder what it must be like to get cancer. I thought about all the people I'd say goodbye too, hug, make amends with, it was tough. Cancer blows.

After the movie, I went to Melissa's house, where another great night was spent growing and just, being ourselves. through all of life's issues, through all of the fears, and doubts, there is an abundant glow of goodness, that I hope will entrench us in months to follow. I like her. Alot. I hope she knows that.

- Us -

Day 54

I woke this morning, stetched, grabbed some pop-tarts, and hit the road, ready to head into work, only to discover I had left an hour early, for no reason. Crappety crap crap. Time spent settling an unfair overdraft fee and seeing my girlfriend were filled in that hour.

After work I went to school where I did exceptional on both midterms (25 out of 25 on my oral Spanish exam), so I left that night early and in a great mood. I returned home from a long day to eat an avocado bacon wrap and some vanilla pepsi. Thanks mom.

Mike came over later and picked me up, convincing me to get out of the house. We went to Chad's were we clanged some beers, watched the Tigers and South Park, and still avoided waking up Dee. Sure, we behaved immaturely, with me banging my elbows on the ground and Mike stomping down the stairs and flipping over a chair, but Dee slept through all the noise.... again.

Watched this music video today, I love it. Fantasy Art in it's finest form.

                                   - Song of Imaginary Beings -

Day 53

There is nothing wrong with being mad at God. Its okay. It's how you carry out yourself that could get you into trouble...

I started my morning off by going to the Apple Store to have them look at my recently purchased iMac that was broken. It was only $20, so even if I can't fix it, the money I'll make for selling parts will refund me and some. I left the mall and met Mike for lunch. McDonalds again. I'm sorry body.

I went home where it hit me. I feel trapped, almost rotting, like an expired food item in a fridge that no ones eating. If it's not selfish or bias, I'm good. I feel I don't deserve this. It's the healthy jug of juice in the fridge that sits there until it rots and expires, never being used, while the trashy, non-productive other foods are consumed instantly. Unable to be in my house, I left an hour early for my Holland class and drove to Holland. Mcdonalds for dinner. At this point I just don't care. I'll start the detox after Halloween. I spent time working on an escape plan. I say this not out of disgust, I love my family, but I need out. My life, my schedule, it's the same circle. No end. If you can't beat the system, get a new one. I applied to five agencies in Chicago for modeling and talent.

As usual, my creativity class is something to look forward to. It helps me tap into areas of my brain that have otherwise gone numb or clouded. I'm excited to see where the class continues to take me in the months to come. We watched a video right when we got out of Steve Jobs giving a college commencement speech, and a speech it was. I was near tears. It's like Steve Jobs, whether Christian or not, knew who I was, like he was talking to me. He's been called Moses in a turtle neck; a name that fits him well. A leader of imprisoned and neglected people. I feel almost obligated to support Apple products the rest of my life.

Ended the night at the Curragh in Holland. I love Holland, the downtown district twinkles an elegance that draws me in and doesn't want me to leave everytime I visit. It reminds me partially of downtown L.A., the street parking, the mom and pop stores, the art, the vibe in general. Grand Rapids, what is happening to you. I met up with my friend Matt there. I've known Matt for about six months. We met after he watched an episode of MYGR Weekend, and I'm glad he did. I have a lot of respect for him, something that I lose more and more of for people around me. Matt reminds me of myself sometimes.... the guy trying to do good, while life kicks us down. We may ot have kicked life back tonight, but the beers and food and the Tiger's game were good enough. One day we'll get our chance. Thanks Matt, appreciate the friendship.

- Matt & I, Holland MI -

Day 52

My sister's dog pooped this morning outside my bedroom.
I need to move out.

I stayed around the house for a little bit before Mike came and picked me up for a Wal-Mart run and some lunch at Costco. Mike was being a stellar boyfriend and buying his girlfriend clothes for work. We talked at Costco and then he dropped me back off, with enough time to play COD and do my Spanish homework.

School was good. Brief session of argument and debate class, and a spanish test. From there I darted home to find my sister moving more of her stuff in. Add her wild dog, screaming kids, and dogs barking. I can't take it. 30 minutes into the book I was reading, my dad riled up the dog, who jumped on top of me, slicing into my nipple and leaving 2 other scratches over my chest. With that I screamed at everyone, then boarded myself up in my last haven I know of. My personal cloudburn. I felt bad, but I need to get out. I'm loved, I'm not abused or neglected, but I feel misunderstood. There are times I feel like its a burden with me living here. I wouldn't doubt it, all signs point to an escape. I can't stand the corruption of other kids my age who can afford to live on their own, only to host palaces of debauchery and corruption. The bad get the good cards, and the good people get the bad cards. Injustice. My biggest motivator. I think I might have been pushed over the edge tonight.

Left with Mike and as I type, am about to depart for Grand Haven. I bought an iMac G5. It's broken, but my nerdy take-it-apart gengar has other plans. I got a free PS3, and with my tech savvy hands and screwdrivers, I not only restored it to a working condition, but put a custom hard drive in it, meaning the playstation 3 I own is more powerful than any ps3 you can buy in a store. I intend to get this iMac working again. If not, the resale value is insured that I get my money back. It's a win-win. I either gain an iMac, or I make some extra income, and add a geeky hobby to do while locked up in my tower, or dungeon.

Bring on the night drive. Music blaring, mind cleansing. God, show me the way.

- Thanks Ruby -