Day 19

This morning started with a work day. I tend to like morning shifts, they free up my day, plus I can awaken earlier, eat a healthy breakfast, and catch up on the morning milieu.

After work I went home and spent some brief time there before heading off to school. Debate class was spent discussing W. Bush in a more casual attire at ground zero supporting troops, and whether it displayed a professional or correct image. From an argument and communication standpoint, it would be incorrect for me to blast some students in my class, and call them close minded liberals. I will say, that there is a handful of students in my class that need to learn the difference between pot-shots and political agendas. God bless America (sarcasm).

My Spanish class is really blooming into another garden of literacy and vocabulary. I aced my first quiz so that's a plus (an A+ actually). After class I headed off to my aunt's house to hang out with her, drink some Teavana tea, which I still think is the best tea in the world and have yet to experience a more prominent tea. Melissa joined, and we spent time watching Toddlers & Tiaras, a shallow show that exploits innocent girls being dolled up to look like fake beauties with boobs while overzealous parents spend time and money on making sure this happens. These girls grow up feeling the need and dependency for make up, nice clothes, and attention, and if they don't get it, they feel let down, worthless. This is how a slut is created. Forgive the harshness, but if I grew up with the constant shows, pageants, nice clothes, and access to funding, I would view myself, and other girls differently. I would pursue the beautiful girls on the outside, while the inside remained vile. Its funny, after I watched this show on girls wanting to be pretty and accepted, I watched the South Park episode "Stupid Spoiled Whore Playset", which utterly demolishes any respect Paris Hilton had left standing for her, and the other "spoiled whore" role models little girls are supposed to look up to.

On the topic of beauty, leaving GVSU last night, I saw what was probably the most gorgeous spectacle of a sunset I've ever seen. We're talking complete awe, in all angles, cascading over every inch above my head. The sun had transmuted into a grapefruit colored explosion of smoke that invaded the very air I was breathing. This is what beauty should be. Not some little girl or a female model who have a perfectly curved convex jaw and smooth skin. Not posing for Calvin Klein or Victoria's Secret. It's a beauty that is inside. It's untouched. Thank God for the sky, because if the world turned ugly, if everything on this planet became void and venomous, the sky, the clouds, and the sun would remain with beauty.

- The Sky Last night, GVSU campus. *this picture does not do justice for the real experience, of having this abyss on all directions*.-

Day 18

The 1st part of today was a dark one. It's something I won't go into detail about, but my day did not see the lighter side of day until the afternoon.

I met up with Chad and we did a full scale gym day. Worked out to the extreme. Did weights, swimming pool, and the rock climbing wall. It felt great, to just sweat, vent, get out all the untapped emotion that lies around the muscles in your body. I'm a tad upset I don't feel sore right now, but maybe that will come in a little bit.

After a great workout, we went out to Bar Louie for $1.00 burger night with Kaitlin, Melissa and April. I work with April and Kaitlin, both very sweet and nice girls, with a positive attitude. April I respect a lot, and she's a Florida native. Kaitlin has a mind that will take on anything, she's learning Japanese, travels all over the planet, yes, I work with extraordinary people. After burger night we went our ways, and Chad and I went over to Melissa's for a brief time to talk with her parents, just hang out.

I need to work on actually taking pictures at the right time. I thought about capturing an image of the rockwall, but that failed. I wanted to get a picture of all of us at Bar Louie, but that failed. I managed to get a picture for today of a stray cat that approached my car last night. It was an image I could relate to. I feel like that cat lately. I have a home, so in the general sense I'm not pertaining directly to this, but I feel so stray. Like a cat. Disconnected from the world, wandering. I'm a wanderer. I feel like a drifter lately. I have that home I can go back to, and I'll always have a home, but when I'm on my own, I feel unplugged. And just like that cat, tapping back into society or the world is easy, that's how cats do it. They rub up on your leg or meow. Simple attention and you're noticed; how similar I am to this. If I feel I'm going to be noticed, or if I want to jump back into... "life", I can put on a face,  act like I want attention, whatever, and I'll get it. A connection back into something. But connections are only temporary. Ask AT&T, or look at power lines. They end. At a party it's "Hey, I like this too... let's talk and I'll fit in tonight and then after tonight I'll never talk to you again, in fact, I'll wake up tomorrow and despise you as a person... I'm just faking this to "tap in"." I feel like the cat, just looking for something, I don't know what though. Maybe some smoked salmon.....

Mmmmmmhhmmmmmmm.....

Thanks Cat.

- The Stray Cat -

Day 17

Labor day. An event that has been celebrated since 1882. It's the end of the summer, the bell that rings for a new school year, the aid to relieve postal workers from a day at the mill. For me, it's a day off, and I'm a man who enjoys his days off.

Woke up to a great breakfast, courtesy of my grandmothers... we're talking donuts, juice, and sushi. Yes, I eat sushi for breakfast, the health benefits are a quantum. I drove to the Verizon store because my phone decided to shut down this weekend and not send text messages. After thinking everyone hated me, it was just a elementary matter of repairing a phone. Looks like I'm getting a 4G phone at the end of this month, so I scoff at you phone.

Finished watching Se7en, which is a great movie, but the ending was way over-hyped by my film nut friends. I mean it's a good ending, but that's not a twist at all. It was just, an ending. I went over to Melissa's later where we took a walk in the woods. I've always admired the woods. Our concrete cakes keep rising all around, and the woods become a more rare gem tucked away in the veers of nature. The forests house many creatures, birds, and insects, it's their home.

Ended the night by seeing a movie, and then going back to my house to see the animal circus. I say that because there were so many animals in my house, much to my mother's avail.

Our home is not a forest.

- The Woods -

Day 16

On the 7th day, God rested.

I followed suite.

Rest. Relax. Leisure.

After leaving the last summer service at Calvary Church, me and my mom, sister and grandma got Sunday lunch at Arnie's which is some of the best lunch in Grand Rapids. I had a something something warm bacon salad and a cuban panini, and it was so filling. In the world of unfair ratios of cost to quantity of food, this made it fair. This made it a steal.

Went home and relaxed. Stayed in my house for hours, yes hours. Read news, played games, caught up with my friend Corbin on the phone,  just remained dormant. This stayed idle until I left for an hour at 10:00 to meet my friend Chad at Steak n Shake for a late night talk/meal. I can't convey how much I loved the weather last night. I pulled out my jacket for the first time in a long time. Reunited and it feels so good.

Ended the night and started watching the thriller Se7en. I'm half way through it. I can tell it's good. Excited to finish this.

Now I sleep. Open the window, cold breeze invades my space. Breathe. Doze. Repoze. Siesta.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........................................

- Me sleeping -

Day 15

Saturday morning was the conclusion of a mind-shifting revelation I've been having thanks to my new, or old devotional book that's been sitting in my closet for close to six years. I should be finished with it by the 3rd week in September, I'll need to get others. Just like this one.

Worked for six hours, caught up with Larry David, and did the riff-raff on my job. When I came home my grandma Judy was here. She is my mom's mom, and lives over on the east side of the state, in Monroe. She brought with her Monroe originals, which are these award winning hot dogs that they sell at a drive in restaurant similar to Dog N Suds. On top of that, she brought us over their homemade root-beer, which is the best root-beer ever. No, I'm not just saying that. I've yet to taste root-beer that has topped Monroe Original's recipe. Star Wars was on the tely so it was a perfect late night dinner drink and movie pairing.

Ended the night by meeting up with my buddy Dana and meeting my old managers Vanessa and Kelsey downtown. We barhopped at a couple bars, Gardella's, MyBar, and EVE at the B.O.B. It was great to catch up with my old friends, and just hang out and enjoy the nightlife that thrives in Grand Rapids. I haven't had a high energetic night out downtown in a while, so it was a good night to do so. Thank God the humidity dropped.

- Me, Kelsey, Vanessa, Dana @ Gardella's -

Day 14

T.G.I.F.

Not the tacky restaurant, but the expression of relief. No school, cooler weather approaching, extended weekend, yes. I do believe in a good T.G.I.F.

Woke up to replenished groceries around the house. Peaches, apples, melons, bacon, all new expansions to the quotidian kitchen equipping. Thanks mother. Life cereal, muskmelon, and juice were my breakfast this morning. Refreshing, it reminded me of Mexico. (I guess any fruit with breakfast remind me of that.)

My devotional this morning was written for me. I was in awe. I can't wait to finish typing this so I can finish reading the piece. Everything that I battle with, that I hide, and that I live with is being dangled in front of me on a stick with this book; it knows me. God's timing is sublime. His adept way of knowing that this book would sit in my closet for five years, and after finally resurrecting it from a dusty shelf, I would need it today. No pressure, just the God of the world focusing on me, reminding me "this is your moment." Add a workout after this and it was sunken in. The cold, heavy metal weighing me down, it was in sync with my new understanding, God was weighing this on me. It is. It's my time. I know what need's to be done.

Cavorting over my four-hour work day, I went out to eat, followed by a Target traipse, and then heading over to see the new Shepard dog, (who hasn't been named yet). He's a puppy. It's guaranteed I have to like him because of that reason, no matter the dog. Chad met up with us and another long merriment of Mario Party was played. Morgan joined in too. I came in 3rd.

- The new Shepard puppy -

Day 13

Last morning of a brisk school day on a morning that would soon develop into a humid, hot, entrance to September, the transitional month.

GVSU is becoming more and more genial, and I'm thankful. The campus keeps burgeoning into grounds that I can look at and confidently leave footprints. Getting involved and exertion are guaranteed to follow. Whether on the radio, broadcasting, theater, arts, speeches, or the simple task of engaging new people, I'm there. I'll give it by Thanksgiving, and I'll be sporting some new friends to defray time with.

Went to work today and did a cosmetic amend to the place. I'll be finished with it by tomorrow, and speaking of finished, I'll be done watching "The Green Mile" tomorrow. Two contrivances I can check off my charge catalog. (that's alot of C's, I'm feeling English mode coming out tonight.)

Split out of work in a swift manner to head to my first GVSU football game with Chad and Melissa. It's amazing to see how large this school is. I know not even half of the students were at this game, and it floods the mind with a realization that I am immersed in a place where I will meet and form new relationships with people that may last for the rest of my life. The opportunity inexhaustibly repleting around me. Sadly, we departed after the first hour, mainly due to the hot humid weather that was hiding for this first day of the month. I'll return one of these nights with a hoodie and hot chocolate, a perfect fall romp night. College. Took me three years to become a "college student".

I thought about all the students there while riding back to Chad's. We all are on a self-destructive path, some more dangerous and messy than others. I looked around at the game and saw faces, each one with a story. Stories to share and tell, yet, nowadays it seems like the only pages that need to be filled are tainted with sex, lies, and amusement. I trust the fact there's someone domiciled for me, but I feel I'm forced to accept a dark past and forgive no matter how disheveled their darkness or past was. I'm sorry God.... I can't trust anyone yet. My mask stays on. My heart stays numb. My emotional survival depends on this....

Ended the night by going to B-Dubs, got the new Captain Morgan wings (not bad, considering they gave me five free wings), but I wouldn't get that flavor again. The manager was gracious enough to let me sample two new flavors that won't be unveiled until next week. Chad, Melissa and I spent time talking about "anatomy". This led to returning to Chad's house to pursue additional knowledge of anatomy. It was a wide discussion.

- GVSU Lubbers Stadium, Game Night! -